today rocked!

today was a really good day. i got on the scale and was a sweet 169.0. this is major, i was really scared that i wouldn't lose as much this round and i am.. i went to the dr. today and we had a really great talk about how my round is going and asked me if i would be willing to come out and talk to the other women in the program that are struggling.  even though id rather get up and sing in front of 1000 people then give a speech in front of 10 i said yes.  im nervous to talk to these people but i really do want to help if i can.  so i guess in two weeks im going to do this and again on a some saturday mornings.  i really hope that i can be helpful and say everything right. i go blank when im on the spot. wish me luck on that please.  made the discovery that i can have crab today, i dont know why i didnt notice it was an approved meat before but it was such a nice change, 20 days of chicken and beef was getting old.  it was super tasty and way more filling then the other meats but sadly its so spendy i dont think ill be able to eat to much of. 24 days left of 500 calories. if i can lose 19 more and hit 150 i will be blown away. ill only be 15lbs from my goal. i may do a 3rd round after all now that i now they offer a 23 day round of the hgc. i will have to wait till june probably to do it again but the idea of being 135lbs for the 2 hottest months of the year sounds really great to me

more before photos!

 so i know evryone would like to see some of my current photos but my hair is faling out, i cant wear make up or chapstick and my lips are cracked and bleeding and my cheeks are constantly flushed and splotchy so i will be waiting.  hopefully by the end of this month ill have a current photo up but for now im just putting up some oldies. these are more of our beach trip in august. i remember feeling terrible the whole time. i ll never go back to this... i had no idea my ass had become so huge?! and flat, im cool with having a big booty but i want it to be more of a shelf booty then a pancake ass.  oh and i no longer have the lip ring, way to much work taking out for work evryday and i had a really bad reaction trying to gauge my ears no instead of my big beautiful  black 1/2 spirals i now have some tiny little 6 gauge spirals. i think i like the small ones better on me anyway but i really miss my big ones

just an update

  173 today. that means ive lost 53lbs since the 30 of september. 13.5 of that was just in the last 15 days, and ive lost 15 inches around my waist (my biggest trouble spot)  im feeling great for the most part. not a single headache this round or in about a month and the were daily before. my back dosnt hurt anymore.  i feel strong, like im ready to handle anything, this is why i have decided at the end of this month, im cutting all my damn hair off. ive never had short hair and im growing it right back out but its time. it looks terrible, even if not a single strand falls out from now on it is not worth keeping... im scared to cut off my hair.  i should have known that it wouldnt be so easy, and with all great things there is some sacrifice you have to make.  i was kinda hoping that going 40 days without food was enough but no.  for anybody i havent told, its not the hormone killing my hair its a mix of my being anemic and losing so much weight so fast.  ladies take your iron, eat a cow.   ok im done bitching about the hair. i feel the best ive ever felt, and im so happy.  i cant wait to buy a new outfit, none of my stuff fits. and on april 18th im having a pb and j, this keeps me going.

the downside of weight loss

so i may have forgot to mention that this intense program has some serious drawbacks. the biggest one is the one thats kept me down all day today, its hair loss.  when your body losses a lot of weight rapidly it can make you hair fall out, i know it happens to some women after having a baby as well. im not talking a little, i mean a shit ton (pardon my french) i've lost about a third of my hair. it takes about 2 months to start falling out after the loss so ive been losing it pretty bad since about a month ago and sometime in late april or may it will fall out even more.  i was very lucky to have a lot of hair to start so even now i still have plenty but a lot of women have to get wigs or extensions.  i don't know if ill have to go that far but i can tell im going to have to cut it short, im so not down with myself and short hair but i have to keep reminding myself its worth it.  i guess for 20 or even 30 lbs i maybe would feel different about it but we are talking about 70 to 90 life changing lbs.  if someone had told me that i could magically be 75lbs less but id have to shave my head, i would have done it. its hair, it grows back.... im talking myself down from the ledge.  on top of my hair falling out my skin is drying out so my lips started to crack and bleed yesterday and im all splotchy without my sweet, sweet moisturizer.  i obviously look pretty bad right now.  i miss food, im not hungry at all which is great, today is day 8 of 43 and i've already lost 8.2 lbs. 12lbs if you count the 4 i had to gain on my loading days, so at least i can say that is going great and i can see it already. my arms are looking way slimmer and my boobs look less like the may explode (i was up to a 42FF in october) im so greatfull to have patrick in my life. i know that even if my hair falls out or i have to cut it off he will still love me, if he loved me when i was a crying fat mess he'll love me looking like sinead o'connor. still im scared. i can't wait for this to be over. forgive me if i seem like im avoiding anybody but other then work which i have no choice but to do, i have not interest in going out and being seen. i cant wear makeup or chapstick and im practically bald. i cant wait for march 26th. im going to have apples and penut butter and get my hair did... if there is any left that is. could use some prayers and positive thoughts today, thank you.

the honeymoon is over

    well, my wonderful loading days came and went and today was my first 500 calorie day. i should explain for anyone i haven't told what the loading days are. so the first 2 days you start the injections you take in as much fat as possible (lots of creamy, cheesy, deep fried goodness)if you dont you will spend the first week of the 500 calorie diet really hungry and very cranky, which is what happened to me last time.  i think i did a really good job this time, im pretty sure the big ass slice of vanilla bean cheesecake with fresh strawberries had enough fat in it alone to keep me full all week.
      I got on the scale today and was up almost 4 lbs from my first injection weight and i didnt feel hungry at all today, im so relieved, i was really scarred all week of feeling hungry and depressed but i feel great, it a perfect way to start.  my starting injection weight was 186.8 on sunday morning, and today i reached 190.4. im not upset because i already know that weight gained will be gone in a few days. i gained 3lbs last time and lost it in 3 days.   god i miss peanut butter already, why didnt eat a whole jar yesterday when i had a chance.  So as of tomorrow i should start losing weight and continue to lose weight till 3/24/11, my last injection day. I really hope i drop the full 30 but i may only lose 20 to 25, ive added in 30 min a day of the wii fit and this time im cutting out pickles and the salt flushing so i dont bloat or stall.
      im starting to get a headache, i had a few big ones at the start of my last round, i t will go away but im already so sleepy, its only 9:30 and i can barley get through this blog.  im excited to wake up and weigh in, it will keep me motivated, i also cant wait to get on my wii fit and have it not tell me "thats obese" and the squish my little me into a fatty ball.  i cant wait for this to all be over, now that i enjoy eating healthy i think i miss food even more then before, im not angry at food anymore and im not angry with myself either.   i just want to turn 26 and feel great about myself for the first time, im so close now, may is just around the corner, wiish me luck...

hcg round 2! amanda -1 fat-0

                 so, as many of you know i started a rather intense diet lat September '10. its an hcg diet, you have injections of the hcg hormone everyday for 40 days while eating 500 calories. no oil, no carbs no chapstick or lotion... no fun. its was the greatest thing ive done, and my life has changed so much for the better. i lost 43 lbs in 65 days and have managed to keep it off for over 2 months now.  its more then just losing weight, i look at food so differently and i actually care about what i put into my body. i dont feel afarid to go outside anymore.  well my last day was on dec. 3 2010 and you have to wait a minimum of 6 weeks before you can start another round and my time is here at last. i will have 2 loading day (eating as much fat as possible to store so you dont feel hungry the first week) and then i start my 500 calorie diet. i will get up everyday at 6:30, pee, weigh myself then do the injection. no breakfast, then one orange, 100 grams chicken 1 cup spinach for lunch and for dinner 100 gr steak 1 apple and 1cup onion or celery and thats it. for 43 @$#$%#& days thats it. i did it once before and i can do it again. i will however miss peanut butter and cream in my coffee so much it hurts.  I know it sounds dangerous but it is safe, i am doing this through a dr. not off the internet and had to have lots of blood work and do a detox to even star this program. if anyone has any questions at all please feel free to ask.  ill post my stats, weights and all that good stuff, and some before and after photos. the following pic is of me 08/12/10 at  the coast for our anniversary, and from noelle and gregs wedding in nov 7th 09, and a few other dates over the last year and a half.  i weighed 226lbs!  i dont think i would have had the balls to post these before if i had not lost so much already. i dont have a current photo for right now but i will be sure to take one for next week when i start the hcg on sunday, wasnt i clever to have my loading day on valentines day...im gonna eat so much chocolate : )